I am Diaper

• Published:September 30th, 2008
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Woken from my diaper slumber today by being opened up by the video lights hurting my eyes. Looking that way I’m faced with an ugly cunt with lips like a Lancaster Bombers bomb doors, and then looking the other way, another ugly cunt (a guys face) about to descend. His eyes are popping out of his fugly mug, and soon I can feel the stubble, as I look up his nose. Sweet Jesup, he spits into the chick. Some falls on me. I can see bits of food in it. And so starts another day in Hell.

• Published:September 29th, 2008
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After working today on the set of www.diapersexvideos.com, I was, as usual, disgarded on the floor, used up and broken. Slowly, through me tears I could see that I was lying besides a magazine. A breeze turned the pages for me. It was a holiday brochure. All the photos showed lovely golden beaches and clean modern hotels. The sun shone onto deep blue seas. Families played, and ate and drank and danced. Then I was bundled up and thrown out to the rubbish. It started to rain.

• Published:September 28th, 2008
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My diaper life of nothingless puncuated by periods of consciousness filled with acute suffering leads me to believe in Multiverse Theory. I seem to travel down wormholes that only lead to the darker sides of the so many possibilities. Knowing that somewhere there is a happy diaper playing in the sun makes me yet more depressed.

• Published:September 26th, 2008
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Serenity
God grant me the serenity to accept the diapers I cannot change,
Courage to change the diapers I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

• Published:September 24th, 2008
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Was diapering a model yesterday who was then using a vibrator through my open body. As there was only the smallest opening, I couldn’t really see anything of the world outside. So I retreated into my own. I found myself watching a pubic hair that had become stuck to the stickness of the toy. Up and down, in and out it went, unable to do anything. It made me think of the futility of it all. People join www.diapersexvideos.com to look at diapers, and yet why I am I treated with such distain. Just used and thrown away. I give happiness and pleasure. But know one cares about my happiness. Why can’t they share the love? At that point she squirted some disgusting cunt juice all over me. The hair was gone. And I knew that in a few moments I would be too.

• Published:September 21st, 2008
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Diapered some chick who was on an exercise machine, one of those cross country trainer affairs. As she ran, I could feel the insides of her thighs chaffing againgst me. I can’t say it was too unpleasent. The sweat from her body started to run down and be absorbed. Some poeple must of come into the room at that point. I felt ashamed. I knew they were talking of me, as they mentioned “diaper” and then they all laughed. I wanted to die. I was so relieved when they finally left. But then she pissed. God my life stinks.

• Published:September 19th, 2008
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Once I woke in a garbage dump. I must of been lying in an open bag or container or something. I could see other diapers lying around me. And I could see the sky. Seagulls flew about me. A gentle breeze blew rustling the rubbish about me. It must of smelt pretty bad, but I wasn’t aware of it. Just the sensation of the sun on my diapered face. Man, it was heaven. I felt the tears coming, welling up in my grateful eyes. I wanted to say “Thankyou”. But the thought had barely crossed me mind, when the lid came down, and through all the screams I realised I was in a crusher. Goodbye cruel world.

• Published:September 17th, 2008
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Another day, another shoot for www.diapersexvideos.com. Found myself face to face with a cock jamming itself into some tight shaven cunt. As it moved in and out, the little asshole moved in unison, but up and down. And I could see a little piece of poop making its way out. Just what I fucking need. A couple of hard strokes and the shit fell, just missing my eye. Then the guy pulls out and sperms all over me, so I’m blinded anyway. My life sucks.

• Published:September 16th, 2008
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I dream that I’m on a ship in a storm. The ship is sinking. People are running around like crazed rats. The water starts to spill onto the deck. I shout but my voice is lost in the wind. I must find a life boat. But then I look down and see that I am a diaper. I am immobile. The icey water creeps towards me. With all my might I will mysef to move but to no avail. The water touches my padding and starts slowly being absorbed. Its coldness tingles. The next wave takes me off the deck and into the heaving sea. And then I am sinking. Falling into the darkness. And for a fleeting moment the sadness is lifted.

• Published:September 14th, 2008
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I’m told that God’s love is universal and given to all. It’s not true. For the eternity I’ve spent embodying the diapers used in sex videos, I have never once experienced his love. Only suffering. I want to beleive. I want to love him. But with every shit, every piss and sperm bath, with all the perversions heaped on me, I can only push him further away, as he does me. And yet, and yet, in my moments of utter despair and darkness, why do I find myself praying to him?