Long pretty fingers are stoking a pert little cunt inside my diapered body. I can smell it. And though life should be pretty damn good at this point….I’m filled with sadness and self loathing. How I wish it would just end.
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I feel dizzy as the model wiggles her ass this way and that. I spy a jar of vasaline. My side is opened and a throbbing red cock nudges againgsth the models’ puckered ass hole. With a gentle push, it eases in. The girl gasps and the guy grunts. She then slowly starts to ride the cock. I see everything as the light streams in through the sides of my opened diaper body. I look away and down in shame. Suddenly there’s some animated talking. Seconds later another cok appears, glissening, and in a single smooth and practiced stroke, inserts itself into the ass beside the other cock. Double anal! Both start fucking her violently. She screams. I can see blood. This is my “Jesus on the cross” moment.
I can see the TV from here. The model is sitting with her legs up on the sofa. I am watching Celebrity Big Brother. I can hear her eating crisps. Bits fall onto me. The program is absolute shit. She farts and burps.
I dreamt that my mother was singing me to sleep, as her gentle touch caressed me. I awoke in the dark. Somewhere I could here the drone of voices from a distant TV. After some time, it got switched off and someone closed a door. I am alone.
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Whilst working today, I happened to catch a glimpse of the models face.And apart from the obvious smeared make up and semen, the most striking and shocking feature was her dead eyes. And then I realized that I’d seen this on almost all the models I’d ever worked with. Eyes that have seen the unspeakable and so are unable to speak. Of pain, worthlessness and degredation. Though outwardly smiling, those inner turmoils come shining through. I am at one with them. Our journey down the same road, proves we belong together. Their very sadness lightnens my soul.
Up, down, flash! Up, down, flash! I’m feeling dizzy. There is an airy heaviness and followed by a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Flash! Someone is pushing me from behind. Flash! Peeking out I see that I’m being swung on a swing. In a children’s playground. Flash! though the day is hot and sunny, I see an old man in front with a long coat, and every time we go up, the little girls skirt rises, and he takes a picture. Jesus loves the children.
A naked woman is running. Her breast wobble and bounce. She’s covered in sweat.Round she goes. The race track stretches out infront of her like those long straight roads we see in American road trips movies. Another naked woman is waiting ahead. looking down I see that the runners feet are slowing. then I am thrust forwards to the waiting woman. I am the baton, the diaper baton. And now we are leaving the panting woman, bent over, hands on her knees. Another waits ahead of this one. My never ending life cycle.
I’m placed on the model and can look up and see a limp cock thrust into her face so that the scene can begin. I think the male talent is expecting some kind of help here, but the chick says that she’s paid for the scene and will do nothing else. The limp cock gets even limper on this news. I hear the photographer suggesting that maybe she can be alittle more accomodating. But of course, she gets paid either way……and even gets paid the same if the guy van’t perform. I must admit, I like her attitude. The day ends with me being returned to the storage room un-used. And happy.
The soothing voice of my mother wafts over me. She tells of her undying love for me. I feel her warm touch. I am her beautiful child. She promises never to leave me again. She starts to cry. My eyes well up. Through her quiet sobing she mumbles ofthe pain of seperation and talk of when we can be together forever. And then….she cals me “George”. Errrr, I’m a little taken aback. Then I feel her hand inside me. I can smell old pussy. Through the gap I spy an old woman masturbating to te photo of her dead son. There is no God. 
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A vibrator was telling me of all the stuff he gets wheeled out to perform. Always starting by being covered in saliva, then into the cunt, then into the ass. In his shell-shocked quiet voice he recounts everything down to the smallest detail. When he’s finished, and after the longest silence, he kind of cheers himself up by saying that it’s lucky he’s vibrating as it hides his shaking. I can only muster the saddest laugh.
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