Lay down my wretched, aching and broken body. My mother weeps over me. I see her concerned and sad face, grey through her silent tears. A warm breeze. They wrap me in fresh diapers. And then silence and darkness inside this damp cave. The next day, to everyone’s suprise, I awake and walk about. Soon my father will call me to his side.
I feel dizzy as the model wiggles her ass this way and that. I spy a jar of vasaline. My side is opened and a throbbing red cock nudges againgsth the models’ puckered ass hole. With a gentle push, it eases in. The girl gasps and the guy grunts. She then slowly starts to ride the cock. I see everything as the light streams in through the sides of my opened diaper body. I look away and down in shame. Suddenly there’s some animated talking. Seconds later another cok appears, glissening, and in a single smooth and practiced stroke, inserts itself into the ass beside the other cock. Double anal! Both start fucking her violently. She screams. I can see blood. This is my “Jesus on the cross” moment.
I dreamt that God bought me a shiny new bicycle. He was proudly showing it to me. For some reason my eyes just couldn’t focus and the bike appeared unsharp. Like a camera whose auto-focus is fucked. It was red with 15 gears and a real leather seat. But then I realized that I was trying to see through my tears. For my Lord is both Good and Generous.
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Fading in and out of consciousness, I gradually realize that I am lying on a cold floor. Moving my head, I can just make out a bucket and mop propped up nearby. When they catch me looking at them, they refuse to meet my eye and look down sadly. I can see that the sides of my body are torn. Something must of happened, but I have no idea what. Flashes of light spill through from the next room. There is the slightest smell. The smell of piss. And something else, but I can’t quite place it. And then I see a pubic hair. What happened here?
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Girl/girl today. The pretty hand reached down into me, so warm and smelling so fresh. I quite forgot myself. With the dim light that came through the tight opening, I could make out a couple of fingers thrusting in and out of a creamy cunt. Suddenly I’m ripped off and opened up. A really sweet face comes closer and closer. And then, without warning, she spits into the models cunt and proceeds to tongue it. Her wet chin rest on me. I can smell her perfume. How I miss the touch of another. But the spit and cunt juice sting my eyes. Will you snuggle with me?
I dreamt that my mother was singing me to sleep, as her gentle touch caressed me. I awoke in the dark. Somewhere I could here the drone of voices from a distant TV. After some time, it got switched off and someone closed a door. I am alone.
The Lord believes that I have a greater purpose. But still he makes me take the piss, shit and sperm of porn. In his delution he thinks that I’ll find some sort of salvation through my suffering. He is wrong.
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Whilst working today, I happened to catch a glimpse of the models face.And apart from the obvious smeared make up and semen, the most striking and shocking feature was her dead eyes. And then I realized that I’d seen this on almost all the models I’d ever worked with. Eyes that have seen the unspeakable and so are unable to speak. Of pain, worthlessness and degredation. Though outwardly smiling, those inner turmoils come shining through. I am at one with them. Our journey down the same road, proves we belong together. Their very sadness lightnens my soul.
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
Pink Flyod
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